Thank you, Snow Plow Guys! What would we do without you?
“This is, actually, the best time to be out driving, because, like, everyone is being so much more careful. You know, right?”
My daughter and I shared a telepathic moment of stunned silence before we both chuckled. Rudely. Loudly enough to be heard by the woman ahead of us in line at the grocery store who apparently must have walked, or teleported, or aspirated her way through the snow storm while the rest of us risked life and limb on the icy roads in quest of Storm Chips.
For those of you who may not have experienced the Snowpocalypse which is the Canadian winter, Storm Chips are a thing. Other frailer, wimpier, less-likely-to-survive people stock up on candles and batteries and generators when Environment Canada predicts WINTER, but the real survivors haul in a motherload of Storm Chips. You can burn the kids’ toys if it gets too cold, you can melt snow if there’s no water, you can bundle up in bed when the power goes out, with the dogs, the cats, your hairy Uncle Bubba whose gaseous emissions could boil water on Mars, but if you ain’t got dem Storm Chips? That’s true suffering, you!
If the power goes out for three days, and we have to poop in the woods? I’ll make it… as long as there are Storm Chips.
Is that why people drive like hooligans during blizzards? Is the quest for Storm Chips the motivation behind the erratic and foolhardy derring-do on the highway when there are three inches of ice on the pavement and a visibility of nil? There’s got to be some powerful force inspiring people to merge at 100 km/h into a line of three hundred cars creeping icily along at 60. And is that woman sliding sideways across the yellow line texting the store, to beg them to hold an extra few bags of All Dressed on the side, because she’s definitely not looking at the road!
Maybe she’s checking the weather to see if it’s storming.
Or maybe she’s updating her facebook with a picture of the terrible condition of the highway. Looking at your lap while driving, as snow swirls merrily across your path and ice falls from the sky like crystal Shards of Death is the new incarnation of Snow Blindness.
Yet, this lovely woman in front of us in line at the grocery store was thrilled to be out driving in the horrendous ice sheet slalom course that was the 103, because everyone drives safer in bad weather. She obviously didn’t meet this guy:
I happened to see this poor motorist moments before the cops pulled him (or her) over and fined him (or her) for driving with an obstructed windshield. I felt great sympathy for that poor driver, who was obviously suffering from tendonitis due to extreme indulgence in Storm Chips the night before, resulting in an inability to adequately clean the windshield. Lifting those dip-laden chips repeatedly to your mouth is strenuous, people! Injuries and inconveniences can result! Winter is a dangerous season, for us all!
If the Snow Plow Guys can spend all night clearing the roads, the least we can do is clear our windshields.
Thank you, Snow Plow Guys.
I get a twist in my gut when I go on facebook in the early hours of a stormy day and see posts complaining that roads haven’t been plowed. I mean… seriously? It snows like a son-of-a-bitch all night, and those guys… bearded, weary, Tim Horton’s caffeinated guys are Out There, all night, plowing a million roads and keeping us safe and salting like champions… Thank You!
It took us three hours just for our driveway after the latest dumpage of winter’s blessing, and while maybe there are a few back roads or little lanes that get plowed later than others… those Snow Plow Guys are AWESOME! A winter storm can come and go between the hours of sunset and sunrise and our roads, for the most part, are plowed. Yes, they’re still icy. Yes, you should stay home and eat Storm Chips and watch Netflix and warm the cockles of your heart by the fire…but… the Snow Plow Guys are Out There. Making it happen. Making it safe.
Because, you know, we all drive so much more carefully when the roads are bad…
Be safe. Stay warm. Hug a Snow Plow Guy.